The Class of 2005—An Undelivered Charge

Garrett Epps

Professor of Law

The University of Oregon

Every year for the past thirteen years, I have written (or rewritten) my charge to the graduating class in the certainty that this year the Red Sox will win the Series and the 3L class will select me to speak at graduation. Well, the Sox finally won, but I still lost. But luckily I am like Howland Owl in Walt Kelly’s immortal “Pogo,” of whom it was said, “Owl don’t waste words – he uses ‘em all.” So I am posting this undelivered charge on the Web. You are invited to daydream through it as if it had actually been delivered –GE

Hear me, my people! The national language of San Marcos will be Swedish. All persons will change their underwear every half hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. And everyone under 16 is now SIXTEEN!

Excuse me. I apologize. Those are actually the notes for my lecture on Rational Basis Review. Many students have confided in me that skipping that particular lecture was one of their most pleasurable law school experiences.

My real speech today does not draw on Woody Allen's BANANAS, but on two more recent classics, THE PRINCESS BRIDE and SPIDER-MAN 2.

PRINCESS BRIDE is a complete philosophical guide to life, containing wisdom for all occasions. Today’s events remind me of the moment when Inigo Montoya and Fezzik the Giant rush into Miracle Max’s hut carrying what appears to be the corpse of the Man in Black. They need his help to defeat Prince Humperdinck, rescue Buttercup and locate the Man with Six Fingers.

“It just so happens your friend here is only mostly dead,” Max tells them. “There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.” He revives the Man in Black and sends the three friends off, cheerily calling after them, “Have fun storming the castle!”

Let’s start then with Miracle Max’s first law: There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Why is that relevant to you? Well, today there is a not very subtly hidden war going on against the ideals that you are going forth to serve.

In a nation whose leaders refuse to be bound by norms forbidding torture, the idea of human dignity is mostly dead – but it’s not all dead.

In a nation where disproportionate incarceration or even execution of the poor and of racial minorities is considered not even worthy of remark, the idea of human equality is mostly dead – but it’s not all dead.

In a nation in which Justice Scalia, the man who may soon sit in the seat of John Marshall and Earl Warren, can write for a Supreme Court majority that “Fairness and justice are not judicially manageable standards,” the idea of justice itself is mostly dead – but it’s not all dead.

Yet.

Now the good news. You leave here today with the power, the skills, and the freedom to fight for these tattered notions against those who would kill them with scorn and simple indifference. You can help bring them back to life. Whatever path in the law you choose, public or private, prosecution or defense, civil or criminal, your voice can be raised for justice, humanity and the rule of law. And because you are a lawyer, your voice will be heard.

Next, to explain how we – your former teachers – feel about you, we must turn to another modern classic, Spider-Man 2. At the end of that film Mary Jane Watson refuses to marry J. Jonah Jameson’s astronaut son and races across town in her wedding dress to the miserable loft where Peter Parker ekes out his meager wages as a “news photographer.”

She knows that he is Spider-Man. He is her superhero. But before they can even embrace, they hear sirens. Spider-Man is needed. Mary Jane smiles gamely and says, “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

Can we have the houselights up?

(Houselights up.)

Members of the class of 2005, you’ve been asked to recognize your families, as you should, and to recognize our speaker, Jeff Adachi, as you should, and to recognize our distinguished award winner, Alice Plymell, as you should.

But just for a moment, recognize yourselves. See yourselves as we, your families and your friends and most particularly we your teachers, see you.

Today and from now on, you are our superheroes. When you hear the sirens, go get ’em, tigers. If you can’t get there any other way, swing from a thread. You have everything you need to do that. All it takes is simple willingness of the heart.

Now, in deference to President Frohnmayer, I will conclude by summarizing my three main points.

Point one. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Don’t let justice die on your watch.

Point two. Go get ‘em, tigers. You have super-powers. Use them.

And so, I thank you.

Oh, sorry. Yes, President Frohnmayer, I do have a point three.

Point three. Have fun storming the castle!

Copyright © 2005 by Garrett Epps. All Rights Reserved.